If there is one thing that I learned this past fall semester [Lord, I hope I learned more than one thing] it is this: it’s okay to not be okay. Some people would describe life like a roller coaster. I would describe this past season of life as a broken roller coaster, with the car at the lowest point on the ride, and me [having fallen out] on the ground. That is how much I was winning at life. There were multiple times this semester when I would be hurting and people, some friends, would say, “It will be okay!” or the classic “God has a plan.” True, God does have a plan but sometimes people just need to admit and accept that fact that there are times when life sucks.
As a resident assistant at my university it is easy to desire there to be a facade between how your residents view you and how you really are. One friend reminded me: leaders are allowed to be broken. Even Jesus wept [John 11:35]. I like to have it all together but let’s be real: that rarely happens. Someone else empowered me by saying, “This world needs more than the Bethany who smiles all the time. You have far more to offer than that.” Easy for them to say, more difficult for me to admit and implement but true nonetheless.
Crouching — full of lies you [the enemy] spin an unrelenting web
In the darkness of my mind and in the darkness of the night
But I hold the LIGHT to illuminate that which you seek to do
“Worthy!” He will shout. “She is Mine!” Cries the King.
I found that this quote by Tony Athos accurately described my feelings. He said, “The caterpillar doesn’t know that it’ll come out as a butterfly. All it know is that it’s alone, it’s dark and it’s a little scary.” For those of us who have personal relationships with the Lord, we know his plans are good. However for some of us there is a strong reality that life can feel dark, scary, and a little lonely. We may just need a friend to sit and not say anything. Sometimes we may need to take it [life] one step at a time. Other times, we may need to just sit down and not move for a little while. It is in the darkness, in the pain, in the hard emotions that we can be transformed into something beautiful. .
So here is to being okay with not being okay and allowing others to not be okay too.
Until Next Time,