Before I turned 21 if you had asked me what the worst possible thing was that could ever happen in the whole entirety of my life I would have said: losing. I hate to lose. In fact I am often found in conversation with my family members saying, “I always win.” Losing. It’s awful. Nobody likes it. If you do, are you even human?
A year ago today was one of the hardest days. I was alone. I was broken. I was completely wrecked. I had lost and I had lost a lot. But throughout this past year I have learned the power of losing. A year ago, in my brokenness, the Lord spoke over me. A year ago I wrote these words:
In a sea of words procured for others,
You ascribed to me “restored” — not a position but a path.
I recognize that restoration only occurs after something is done being broken.
But Daddy…when will I be done?
Losing shows you a lot. I was probably the worst me during year twenty, that was made pretty plain. Losing showed me who really knew me and who really cared. Losing showed me what I truly cared about, it showed me that I had lost my ability to dream. And I learned maybe we weren’t made to win. Maybe we learn deeper lessons when we lose. Losing isn’t bad. It’s just change and change isn’t bad either. But I question, what does it look like to lose well?
Restoration is a process, not a position. When we recognize the level of faithfulness the Father carries, no loss appears unbearable. The Lord has always been faithful and he isn’t going to start being unfaithful with you.
So here’s to learning how to lose gracefully,